My Dog Brandy Is Now A Great Memory

My Dog Brandy Is Now A Great Memory

TomEA   12 3 2017  Started this morning and edited throughout the day.

1- Brandy is in Dog Paradise
2- Later: A little Brandy History.
3- A note 12 4 2018

1- Brandy is in Dog Paradise

Brandy my doggie companion for 14 years or so, is in dog paradise, about 9AM Sunday 12/3.  

Patty found her 'dumped' out along US 30 as a puppy in about 2013.  She is about 15 years old or so.

Like me, she had been growing older in the past couple of years. . .  A month or so ago she had a couple seizures and has been gong down hill ever since..   not eating off and on, not able to walk off and on. . getting really thin. . .  .  finally the last few days she could not walk, had trouble seeing and hearing and could not eat.. ... even her usual treats...

I/we knew she would be going to go to dog paradise, probably soon.  A few times I woke up in the night and thought maybe she had gone... but no. .  not yet. . . I decided in the last couple days that I needed to euthanize her.  She was just starving to death, and according to dog years she was getting old.

I could not see taking her to someone else....   I had to do it my self.  Finally on my ‘walk in the woods’ yesterday (she had not gone with me for several weeks) I decided if she did not come back for a little by today (Sunday 12 3 2017), Sunday was it.   And on my walk yesterday, Saturday, I started crying.   I don’t do that much.....

I was hoping that she felt better Sunday.  She lies right beside my side of the bed always or nearby when watching TV or working at my computer.  As usual, lately, she could not get up and would not eat...  Usually she would take some water, but not this, Sunday, morning.   and she did not take much yesterday.  I knew today, Sunday, was the day . . .

I had previously picked out a spot for her out on Anspach Memorial Hill in the woods.  I loaded my shovel and her dedication cedar 'head post' into the wheel borrow.   I carried her out and put her in the wheelbarrow on her usual rug.  She usually did not like to ride in the wheel barrow.  She knew something was going on but not what..... I kept calming her . .and  . . . me.   

I dug her grave... sitting on the bench once in a while, holding and petting her, calming her, calming me.    I started crying.   I do not cry much.. but . . . .  

She went quickly to dog paradise with me sitting beside her .. and holding her. . .  . . .  it tore the shit out of me... I have been crying ever since.   I knew it was best for her.. but .... it still totally overwhelmed me which I did not expect. 

I covered her grave... it will be visible on my morning walks in the woods.   I have been crying, sobbing, tears in my eyes ever since. . . when ever I see something she belongs to . . . . . . damn . .

I still think I did the best thing... but I am still overwhelmed and totally saddened.   But this writing is helping . .  I think. . .

Lives come and go . . . and  . . . life goes on . . .

Thanks for listening. 

TomEA

2- Later:

A little Brandy History.

She was just such a neat companion dog. 

Maybe I can understand why she was dumped.    She did not like to chase and catch balls and frisbee like most Border Collies. In fact, I once showed her a picture in the paper about a Border Collie that look just like her that was a frisbee champion.  She was not impressed :).  The only thing she would catch is popcorn.   She did not like to herd like she was supposed to.  But she did like to chase a deer we would scare up and squirrels  etc.  She would give about anything that ran a chase but did not seem to bother them if she caught up with them.   Once a deer turned around and chased her.  She ran like a bandit . . . :)

After Patty picked her up she had her vet check her and then dropped her off at a shelter.  They tried, unsuccessfully, to find the owner.   After a week MOL, Brandy came home.  At 1^st she did not like it... After enclosing her in a yard for a spell and we got acquainted she became very friendly.   I would take her on my walk in the woods at 1^st with a lead then off lead.  She would never wander off far.  I had my ‘athletic’ whistle with the ball removed.   No matter where she was she would run back to me after 3 quick blows on the whistle.

It did not take long at all that she was ready to walk with me.  When I was outside and getting ready to walk, she would keep her eyes on me and as soon as I picked up my hiking stick she would jump up and down like a piece of popcorn.   She was ready to go. 

She would always be nearby.  Her favorite in house place was under my computer table.  Or laying next to my chair if I was eating or watching TV.  She lay right next to my side of the bed at night.   When I would be gone she would be excited when I got home  If I was gone  on a trip for several days she would be totally excited and hardly let me get off my motorcycle or out of the car.  She was so glad to see me and of course I was glad to see her. 

She loved soda crackers.  I always kept a box in the cabinet.  When I opened it up and tore out a cracker, no matter where she was, in the house, she would come running wanting hers.  That was when her hearing was good.  Recently as her hearing was deteriorating she may not hear me but when I took her the cracker she loved it.   I knew when she was getting sick as she would not eat a soda cracker. 

One year my grandnephew Kendal entered her in 4H obedience class.  She learned a few commands there.  We didn’t go overboard with commands though; we did not need too as we understood each other. 

She was a house dog, but liked to go outside.   She never ran away, and knew not to go on the road.  She absolutely hated to get in the car.  I blame that on her childhood, where someone loaded her in the car and then dumped her off along US30. 

I am sort of surprised this has affected me so strongly . . .   I have had dogs before, but thinking back on it I have not had a personal pet like Brandy for so long . . Patty also cared for her and took care of her especially when I was gone, but she had her other dogs, so Brandy was mine.   .   and maybe part of the great feeling of sadness is because I am getting older.

Today when outside (and inside) I take a quick look  'where is Brandy?' . . . damn . . . I am sure I will get over it but . . .  Tonight will be the 1^st time in MANY years that when I am home Brandy is not sleeping beside the bed. 

And I wonder, and I am sure others have had the same question, is it worthwhile getting  a pet and getting so attached that the parting is so extremely sad.   The answer of course, it certainly is worth it. . ... once the ‘rubber band breaks’ (http://ansplog.blogspot.com/search?q=rubber+band) and the memories remain it will be well worth it.

As Brandy was sent to dog paradise and laid to rest at Anspach Memorial Hill today I cried more than I ever recall crying in my life. I am super glad that Patty found her and we got to share our life together.  I miss her terribly and know that I will always miss her.   

When I look at the pictures below, I get tears in my eyes and start to choke up. . . but that is what they are for, to bring back the memories.

note added 12/5;  When I planned on her grave being on memorial hill next to the bench I had not thought or planned on this:  This morning on my morning walk I sat down on the bench, which I do not usually do, and Brandy was beside me in her grave. 

Brandy and Sport out on the hill  Winter

Brandy out by brother Kens memorial tree

Brandy walking along the pasture trail

 Brandy out by my cairn

Brandy a walk in the woods Winter

I like popcorn and so does Brandy (from 2011)

3- December 4th 2018.  It has been 1 year.  And I still miss her, especially on my morning walk.  This morning I sat down on the bench next to her and had a talk with her.