My dog Blaze is dieing
January 25, 2008
He struggled to lift his head. I didn't know it would be his last. He wanted to see out the window. He tried to be enthused about being in the car and going for a ride. He looked at me and then looked out the window as if to say when are we going out. His breathing was labored as he strained to hold his head . He wanted to see what was out the window.
He maintained his spirit to the end. The neighbor shoveling snow would put a spark in his eyes even if only for a moment then the stiffness and the labor just to breath would deaden the small spark. At the vet he was shaking incesantly and would press his stiff legs against me. It was the right thing to take him home he is more relaxed although he labors intensely to breath and he cannot move. We wait for the end. He is a stubborn one. He seems too young to die. I thought Beagles live to 15 or so. Every once in a while he looks out the window, then sighs, then goes back into that deadended state. He is much more relaxed than at the vet. That cold unfamiliar place filled with people who don't understand him. We understand. He doesn't like anyone to touch his toes. We understand he has some dignity. Although there is no we, there is only me. I am his favorite as long as David's not around. If son David were here, David would be his favorite.
One last ride to the vet. He looked very fearful when I put him in the back of the car. I carried him down the steps carefully. I didn't want to drop him. He always hated to be carried. Kiera and I drove to the vet again. He didn't seem concerned as much this time. His state was so grave. I think he barely knew. They shot him with the anesthesia and he responded. The doctor said it would sting him. His eyes seemed to relax some, but his breathing was still heavy. They injected the euthanasia in a moment one small noise than his breathing stopped. He was gone. The bridge vet picked up his body and will spread his ashes with the others out the road. He would've liked that.
On 3/3/2007 (last year) I wrote in my journal, "yes, Blaze is on his last legs. Enjoy his last days, yes, he's an animal without choice. He just is. Enjoy him, his heart, his passion, his faithfullness as much as he can be faithful, so he will be to the end."
Yes, he was faithfull till the end. Even though he wasn't feeling well he was still faithfully wagging his tail, eating his food, standing by. I love you Blaze. You brought much joy to our lives.